I really do mean it is different, on so many levels it is unreal. A big part of all of this is a huge personal struggle of me fighting myself, here I am a thirty-two year old female whose life has been just thrown upside-down the past few years. The past year really hit me even worse on a lot of fronts. But what I fight daily is the person that I used to be/the person that I know is still inside and the person that I have become. The truth is, this really is two totally different people, but somehow it is still me and I am really struggling with that.
There is Tammy the former athlete, the person who lived to be social, strong willed/hard headed, worked hard and played hard... etc. Then there is Tammy who lives in pain, can't sleep, can't handle being touched, doesn't want to leave her house or get out of bed, and goes to the doctors for a good amount of my social life. Life is truly different, I am different.
This week is typically one of my favorite weeks of the year, because it is the NCAA Tournament, for the first time since 2000, I will not be at the Championships and it is eating at me. I know that it is just this year. I know I can watch it on TV and follow it online, but it just isn't the same, not for me.
My life is truly upside-down.
