Alright, so I am not a big emotional person, I especially hate showing any emotion to people at all that shows signs of weakness and vulnerability. What I do know, even a midst the anti-depressants I am on, I am still very depressed.
Last night after work I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes, I figure well it is my last week I need to do something. By the time I got home I wanted to do nothing at all but lay in bed, which is exactly what I did.
Although I really didn't just lay in bed, I did watch some TV and I blogged about all of this right now. Then I just started crying because I literally feel like the world is crashing in on me when I am behind closed doors and in my "safe zone."
I can function enough to get through the day at work, I may not be as productive as I like, but I can do it. What I can't seem to do is anything else. My body wants so bad to feel just okay... or closer to normal than what I do now. My mind wants to be that happy, fun and fearless thirty-one year old that I truly am. Right now I am not that person and that is not alright with me at all.
There has been a lot of talk about people with conditions lately, all I can say that depression should not be taken lightly it is a real thing. I would say more people are depressed and are not undergoing some type of treatment from a physician... they should be. We need to take mental illness seriously, it should not be frowned upon by society. It is a real condition, that needs real help. I would go as far as saying I am no where near as serious as some people, but I can tell that I am not alright.
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