Tuesday, May 21, 2013

And you know you have a problem when...

ALL YOU DO IS GO TO THE DOCTORS!

You know I have gotten use to the whole weekly or bi-weekly treatments I was getting. Right now those days are long gone until this infection takes a hike up the river.

I went to the infectious disease doctor today and they took some samples and decided that I am still staying on IV antibiotics for another 7-10 days along with the other antibiotics that I am on.

Right now I am so sick of medicine. I fall asleep for no reason during the day, everything hurts and makes everything else worse.

I feel like I really do live in a hole, one that I can't crawl out of. I want to cry all of the time, because everything is so dam overwhelming.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no social life and all of my friends well I only get to see them if I am visiting for doctors appointments. I am not fully sure the last time I really went out and had a good time. I am worried about not being able to go to a very close friends wedding in a few weeks, because I cannot fly to get there. I want an escape from what has turned into my reality.

These past two years have been a literal hell for me. I know that at some point I will catch a break, and they always say you hit your break when you are at your all time low. Well I am at that all time low and I am reaching as far as I can to get out.

Now there are a few things that make me different where people can see something is wrong on the outside: the pain in my face, my walking cane for balance and the PICC line in my right arm.

Disability takes on many forms and this is mine: chronic severe pelvic pain coupled with a horrible infection in my left leg right now. Along with numerous other things including very severe depression.



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