The past few days have been so well what I would call my normal. Where I have to try and motivate myself to get normal mundane tasks done. I made my list of things to get done and really had to force myself to do things.
Some days are obviously better than others, but the past four days have just been plain rough. It is me recovering I think and finally getting back on my meds, now that my insurance is back to normal. It is amazing how such simple things can be so hard. Like I am horrible at taking out my garbage. I need to be more vigilant about how I am eating, so I forced myself to go shopping and get some food, but even that was still rough.
Then we think about laundry and cleaning. I moved into a 400 sq. foot apartment, and you would think I live in a huge house the way I feel cleaning this place is.
Having all of these medical conditions is just miserable and not knowing when they are going to hit you is the worst! Between trying to get my sleep together and my fibromyalgia somewhat under control, amongst other things this is just one hell of an experiment called my life at this point. Being that my social life is basically called the doctors, I just keep trying to figure out how to get through day by day.
You have the pain, the exhaustion (all the issues exhaustion brings), weakness, and a million other issues.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
October has flown by
I still feel like my life is just a whirlwind and I have no idea where I am going other than spinning around like crazy. Some weeks are completely taken by doctors appointments, others go by and I have no idea what I did, they are a complete blur.
Right now I still don't know what I plan to do for work, because my body is not ready to do something daily. However, I am healing and getting better, but it is an extremely slow process and I know that I am still going to be dealing with issues long into the future.
I took a leap and did go back into the world of wrestling and worked a tournament as a consultant last week. It was nice to be back into things on my terms. I do love the sport and the people, that is something I do know will not change.
My body can only handle so much though, as I suspected as I continued with my week I crashed today and was in bed for about 14 hours. I am glad I was able to go see friends back in Edinboro though afterwards and visit people that I don't get to see often. It made the trip well worth it even though it may have been hard on my body.
What was probably worse on my body was the prolo treatments/injects that my doctor gave me yesterday. Man did the one hurt. They are still pretty taxing today even as I try and stretch them out. I need to get some heat on them again this evening. I find it always interesting that she tells me how tough I am for how good I do while getting these treatments ... which makes me wonder how the other people handle them. I mean they are miserable, but for someone in severe constant pain what is a little extra pain?
The weather is getting cold and for tonight I decided that I am baking some pumpkin bread... which I should probably go check on, but it does smell delicious.
So here I still stand or sit, trying to figure out my life, for the first time ever not knowing where I want to go and what I want to do and it really does bother me. I also know that right now my body just won't let me take on the world right now so to speak. So I need to figure out the right balance, but ultimately my body and health comes first.
Right now I still don't know what I plan to do for work, because my body is not ready to do something daily. However, I am healing and getting better, but it is an extremely slow process and I know that I am still going to be dealing with issues long into the future.
I took a leap and did go back into the world of wrestling and worked a tournament as a consultant last week. It was nice to be back into things on my terms. I do love the sport and the people, that is something I do know will not change.
My body can only handle so much though, as I suspected as I continued with my week I crashed today and was in bed for about 14 hours. I am glad I was able to go see friends back in Edinboro though afterwards and visit people that I don't get to see often. It made the trip well worth it even though it may have been hard on my body.
What was probably worse on my body was the prolo treatments/injects that my doctor gave me yesterday. Man did the one hurt. They are still pretty taxing today even as I try and stretch them out. I need to get some heat on them again this evening. I find it always interesting that she tells me how tough I am for how good I do while getting these treatments ... which makes me wonder how the other people handle them. I mean they are miserable, but for someone in severe constant pain what is a little extra pain?
The weather is getting cold and for tonight I decided that I am baking some pumpkin bread... which I should probably go check on, but it does smell delicious.
So here I still stand or sit, trying to figure out my life, for the first time ever not knowing where I want to go and what I want to do and it really does bother me. I also know that right now my body just won't let me take on the world right now so to speak. So I need to figure out the right balance, but ultimately my body and health comes first.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Life Changes Faster Than We Can Think Sometimes
I just looked and saw that my last post was back on August 19th, so much has happened since that time and in all honestly so much of it I unfortunately cannot even begin to talk about.
The last few months have been extremely hard for me emotionally, physically and mentally. Have I gotten through it, yes, of course I have. I can get through anything, although adding extra stress to my already massive heaping pile of horrible is well... UNBEARABLE. So as some chapters in my life are closing for good and I am looking to move forward and trying to figure out what my next moves will be, I am also trying to figure out how to close a large chapter of my life which has been the last twenty-three years of my life in the sport of wrestling. I have had so much support from the coaches and people I have met, that it truly does show that wrestling is a great family and I hope to continue to stay in this circle someway, in the years to come. I must say thank you to those people, they know who they are and as this November comes, it just won't be the same for me, as it will be my first year not being involved with the sport I love.
Right now this gives me chance to focus on my health and really try to find out what I want to open my next chapter to be. However my number ONE priority is my health.
I have found a support system here, but I still have some serious decisions to make and I am just not so sure I am ready to make them, but I may have no other choice.
So onwards I trudge trying to figure out what is wrong with me marching into year three of my medical mystery while I try and find out what is wrong with my body.
I know that what I can do is great and that my body will get better, I just hope that one day soon all of these things align so that I can be the best person that I can be. I want to be me again.
One thing is for sure I promise that one day I will come back healthier, stronger and better than before.
The last few months have been extremely hard for me emotionally, physically and mentally. Have I gotten through it, yes, of course I have. I can get through anything, although adding extra stress to my already massive heaping pile of horrible is well... UNBEARABLE. So as some chapters in my life are closing for good and I am looking to move forward and trying to figure out what my next moves will be, I am also trying to figure out how to close a large chapter of my life which has been the last twenty-three years of my life in the sport of wrestling. I have had so much support from the coaches and people I have met, that it truly does show that wrestling is a great family and I hope to continue to stay in this circle someway, in the years to come. I must say thank you to those people, they know who they are and as this November comes, it just won't be the same for me, as it will be my first year not being involved with the sport I love.
Right now this gives me chance to focus on my health and really try to find out what I want to open my next chapter to be. However my number ONE priority is my health.
I have found a support system here, but I still have some serious decisions to make and I am just not so sure I am ready to make them, but I may have no other choice.
So onwards I trudge trying to figure out what is wrong with me marching into year three of my medical mystery while I try and find out what is wrong with my body.
I know that what I can do is great and that my body will get better, I just hope that one day soon all of these things align so that I can be the best person that I can be. I want to be me again.
One thing is for sure I promise that one day I will come back healthier, stronger and better than before.
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