Life sure is different these days

I really do mean it is different, on so many levels it is unreal. A big part of all of this is a huge personal struggle of me fighting myself, here I am a thirty-two year old female whose life has been just thrown upside-down the past few years. The past year really hit me even worse on a lot of fronts. But what I fight daily is the person that I used to be/the person that I know is still inside and the person that I have become. The truth is, this really is two totally different people, but somehow it is still me and I am really struggling with that.

There is Tammy the former athlete, the person who lived to be social, strong willed/hard headed, worked hard and played hard... etc. Then there is Tammy who lives in pain, can't sleep, can't handle being touched, doesn't want to leave her house or get out of bed, and goes to the doctors for a good amount of my social life. Life is truly different, I am different.

This week is typically one of my favorite weeks of the year, because it is the NCAA Tournament, for the first time since 2000, I will not be at the Championships and it is eating at me. I know that it is just this year. I know I can watch it on TV and follow it online, but it just isn't the same, not for me.

My life is truly upside-down.

Lots of Bandaids

I am not sure what is worse realizing that I have ten huge band aids on the left side on my body or the fact that my hand keeps cramping up where some of the testing was done earlier today at the doctors.

Anyhow I just keep pushing forward. February is one day from over and my life is so much different than it was a year ago. A term that kept popping through my head today was sabbatical, because in a sense I that is kind of what I am doing. Every year of my life for as long as I could remember January through March was a marathon of wrestling season, there really wasn't a day off during that time and I travelled all over the place. Now I catch what I can on TV and I did make it to a few matches but life is drastically different. My reality is very different.

My goal is to get better and I must say that is a tall order and a TON of work. February was a short month served up in a big old blur. I think I spent most of it curled up in bed, in pain with no energy. I do everything I humanly can, but sometimes that just isn't enough and I have to give up or give-in to the demands my body is making and I just have to stop.

I know my recovery takes probably 3 times as long as the normal person, for basically anything I do. This includes getting your everyday cold, which affects me worse than normal too.

So as I still work on recovering from my car accident in early December, it was great to see my doctors today and get worked on a little bit. Now if I could just get my body to stay that way...

New Experience

Yesterday was my first experience with an epidural/nerve block for my L5 nerve/disk. I have had all kinds of blocks, trigger point injects, needling, basically anything that you can think of that deals with a needle since 2011 when all of this started.

So yesterday I went to the surgery center at 7:15 am to get this done, it was a new experience. Well not fully new, I had something similar when I was 12-13 years old. Back then they put me under anesthesia and I woke up when it was all done.

This I was all awake for. I had a doctor and two nurses. The odd thing over all of this is that I have gotten so close to all of my doctor staffs that I know them all very well. This doctor I met once, I was just having it done here, so I did not have to drive to DC. However, it was funny, because I recognized the one nurse from our Virtuous Women's Dinner two weeks ago and said something to her before we went into the room. She was very nice and held my hand, even though I am usually pretty good with needles.

I will say if that is what an epidural for pregnancy feels like well then totally not worth it.

So they did some numbing and then did the block. I monitored myself yesterday and so far today. I personally don't think it did enough to be worth it. I need to talk to my doctor and tell her how I feel on it. to discuss if we need to continue.

In the mean time I need to make some calls today and find a certified hand therapist.

So off to do that amongst other things!

2014 Really Trying for a NEW YEAR

So for those of you who read my blog you know that last year was less than STELLAR for this lady. I feel that if it could have gone wrong, it did go wrong in 2013, I really don't feel like re-visiting those bad memories, but I guess for the sake of it I need to put them down. So the big highlights of the year were:

• In constant pain every day, to the point that I could not be touched.
• Went to the doctors minimum 3 times a week.
• April through July were the worst. Had 3 surgeries, contracted a horrible infection, had a PICC line, was on so many meds I could not keep track, had drains coming out of me, I am sure there was more I want to forget it.
• Was tested for every disease under the sun contracted a bunch of super weird symptoms over the rest of the summer. Went to all kinds of doctors.
• Had no social life, lost most of my friends.
• Gained a ton of wait since the surgery and infection, due to meds and all of the bed rest.
• Lost my job in September.
• Continued to constantly go to the doctor, still on tons of meds.
• Was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (only true diagnosis I was given other than sleep apnea).
• December got into a car wreck.

Okay so that sums up the main bad points of my BAD year.

This year I am working to try and change as much I can myself. Trying to treat my body as good as I can, which I still did last year. Taking my vitamins, eating right. Even though I am not suppose to I am going to try and start working back out slowly.

What will happen with work I still don't know my health is my No. 1 priority. I still just don't know where I stand with things. I am doing everything I can to try and get better and working with my team of doctors to get better.

So here is to 2014, may it bring better things: happiness, health, wealth, laughter and friendship. Not just to me, but to those around me as well.