New Experience

Yesterday was my first experience with an epidural/nerve block for my L5 nerve/disk. I have had all kinds of blocks, trigger point injects, needling, basically anything that you can think of that deals with a needle since 2011 when all of this started.

So yesterday I went to the surgery center at 7:15 am to get this done, it was a new experience. Well not fully new, I had something similar when I was 12-13 years old. Back then they put me under anesthesia and I woke up when it was all done.

This I was all awake for. I had a doctor and two nurses. The odd thing over all of this is that I have gotten so close to all of my doctor staffs that I know them all very well. This doctor I met once, I was just having it done here, so I did not have to drive to DC. However, it was funny, because I recognized the one nurse from our Virtuous Women's Dinner two weeks ago and said something to her before we went into the room. She was very nice and held my hand, even though I am usually pretty good with needles.

I will say if that is what an epidural for pregnancy feels like well then totally not worth it.

So they did some numbing and then did the block. I monitored myself yesterday and so far today. I personally don't think it did enough to be worth it. I need to talk to my doctor and tell her how I feel on it. to discuss if we need to continue.

In the mean time I need to make some calls today and find a certified hand therapist.

So off to do that amongst other things!

2014 Really Trying for a NEW YEAR

So for those of you who read my blog you know that last year was less than STELLAR for this lady. I feel that if it could have gone wrong, it did go wrong in 2013, I really don't feel like re-visiting those bad memories, but I guess for the sake of it I need to put them down. So the big highlights of the year were:

• In constant pain every day, to the point that I could not be touched.
• Went to the doctors minimum 3 times a week.
• April through July were the worst. Had 3 surgeries, contracted a horrible infection, had a PICC line, was on so many meds I could not keep track, had drains coming out of me, I am sure there was more I want to forget it.
• Was tested for every disease under the sun contracted a bunch of super weird symptoms over the rest of the summer. Went to all kinds of doctors.
• Had no social life, lost most of my friends.
• Gained a ton of wait since the surgery and infection, due to meds and all of the bed rest.
• Lost my job in September.
• Continued to constantly go to the doctor, still on tons of meds.
• Was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (only true diagnosis I was given other than sleep apnea).
• December got into a car wreck.

Okay so that sums up the main bad points of my BAD year.

This year I am working to try and change as much I can myself. Trying to treat my body as good as I can, which I still did last year. Taking my vitamins, eating right. Even though I am not suppose to I am going to try and start working back out slowly.

What will happen with work I still don't know my health is my No. 1 priority. I still just don't know where I stand with things. I am doing everything I can to try and get better and working with my team of doctors to get better.

So here is to 2014, may it bring better things: happiness, health, wealth, laughter and friendship. Not just to me, but to those around me as well.

I need to post more

It has been over a month since I have last posted and boy so much has happened in that time period.

• I moved into my own apartment: packing, moving, unpacking was so hard. I am still not unpacked because I just don't have the energy to do it. 
• I had to start back to work, which takes all of my energy, I am lucky to make it through the day sometimes.
• I have been going for weekly testing to find out what is wrong with me. Oh wait, I mean try to find out what is wrong with me, because so far we have been unsuccessful at finding this out. By we, I mean me and the team of doctors.
• My niece Isabella was born, she is pretty darn cute and happened to arrive the only time her aunt was in Western PA all summer. Great timing kid!
• I went to the only wedding I could all summer, the one that I was in. That was after a month of pretty torturous therapy. 
• I still don't trust myself to drive long distances alone.
• The medicines just keep getting piled on, not taken off.
• I still feel horrible.... daily.
• The feeling of not being able to feel your feet and feel like they have a million pins and needles going through them is one of the worst feelings int he world.
• My surgeon has my best interest at heart, but I wish they didn't involve more shocking and more needles oh yeah and MRI's.
• I would love to wear a pair of jeans again.
• I just want to be normal... I want to be me.

I have officially passed 2 years of this misery that my body has been subjected too. I have seen countless doctors, I don't want to even know the amount of money I have paid out, or the amount of times I have been pricked by a needle. Honestly now it just feels like every day life and that makes me sick. I want to be a normal 31 year old who can go out and have fun and not have to feel like I feel every day. Knowing that moving 1 box is going to put me into such pain I won't be able to move.

I mean when the doctors told me I may have MS all I wanted to do was cry, every time they touch me I cry. That is no way to go through your life. I want to be happy again.

So tonight I go in for a sleep study and tomorrow I head in for a brain and spine MRI. None of which I am looking forward to, but I need both of them. I am not sure how they think you are suppose to sleep well with a bunch of little electrodes hooked up to you and people staring at you, but I guess I will give it a try. 

I have been lazy... or have I?

Things have been kind of crazy lately and a lot of life changes seem to be happening all at once. I found a really great one bedroom studio apartment that I will be moving into in two weeks. That is the first time ever that I will officially live by myself. I have been out on my own since 18, but I have lived with roommates.

So now I have all of these health issues going on, oh don't worry, they have not gone away. They only keep getting worse. Apparently it is the consensus of two rhuemetologist that I have fibromialgia. So another series of test are coming and I am not looking forward to them.

I have been going to physical therapy and doing as much as I can there, trying to get better. I am working, and trying to do everything I can to keep my body healthy and rehab myself.

I wish I didn't hurt so bad and I could move better. The move is a stressful thought, I need so much help to get out of this place, thank goodness for my friends.

Next I need to head in for a sleep study and hopefully start sleeping better.

Well that is all I have for now.

Something new is wrong,

I do hope it is only temporary, but this past week if I didn't know any better I would say I have rheumatoid arthritis. I hurt all over on top of my horrible pain.

I swear it never ends, my body is so tired of fighting and I know my life is never going to be the same again.

So I will continue calling my Infectious Disease doctor until I get an answer. Will it go away or do I need to check myself into the hospital and make someone run tons of test on me.

The Neverending Story

First off this used to be one of my absolute favorite movies growing up. Now I think it might better serve what I currently refer to as my life. 

I once again m back in DC/Maryland for doctor visits. The good news is that this nuisance in my arm can finally come out, the downside I will still be taking two oral antibiotics twice daily for another two weeks.

Next we do get to do something different, I head to the physiatrist to find out how/what needs to be done for my physical therapy and there we are still a LONG way from being over. 

My body hurts, the antibiotics are not helping that. My pain has only gotten worse not better. I am exhausted all the time and I never really sleep week 3 I think there.

Nothing is easy, everything that should be a ut and dry situation turns into a fiasco.

I need to focus on me, I need to get better. I do not care at this point what other people think or want because my number 1 priority is ME! Yes I said it and I sure as hell mean it.

I have been fighting this for so long every day I just want to throw in the towel, yet everyday I have a small hope that the next will be better.

Yes, you are right, this should not be the thoughts of a 31 year old educated female.... Well they are.

Depression is miserable, depression because of severe chronic pain is even more miserable. When you are the person that the drug commercial talks about...you have a severe problem.

I want to be myself again, but I fear that will never happen. Why you my ask? Well the Tammy that has gone through all of this has learned some new things and I also know that things many people take for granted like having a baby is not something I will experience. Yes my outlook as a 31 year old has changed for sure.

My medical knowledge has increased as well, because it had too. I need to know what they are telling me.

What I know: 

1. I am a very broken person

2. "Friends" disappear very quickly when things get tough. The ones that don't... DO NOT ever let them go.

3. Life changes way too fast