This is really getting old

Well my surgery is less than 2 months away... check that is on the calendar.
Doctors appointments weekly... check that is still on the calendar.
Feeling miserable a lot... takes over my entire life!

The past few days have just been absolutely horrible, the pain was just unbearable even with the medicaitons and stronger medications. I feel like my body has surpassed the boundary of what pain really should be and it made it worse.  I was so just overwhelmed I almost called and cancelled my appointment because I did not want to be in the car for four  hours. I am glad I went and we are trying out another medication I hope that will help, but it will take a little time before we see any changes.

Of course I was asked if I could move the surgery up and I said not a chance, to any of my wrestling fan friends, you obviously know why. Speaking of wrestling we took a huge hit this week with the IOC, dropping wrestling starting at the 2020 games, which is just bull!

I feel like I am doing everything to just keep myself together and that is taking everything that I have right now. I told my doctor let's just get through the next eight weeks and then figure it out from there. Then I will deal with the surgery and what I am going to do about that. Not to mention in the middle of all of this is my birthday, I never thought this is what my life would be like as I was getting ready to turn 31. In all honesty I thought I would be married by now with the beginnings of a family. I guess you never know where life will take you, but I know part of that road it won't be taking me on.

But since I was 29 I feel like all I have known in my life is this horrible pain that just creates a black whole. Yesterday I told my doctor that I literally could not get out of bed, every fiber of my being said no. It was such a challenge. I am thankful that I have understanding doctors. As of April 18th it will have been a year since I first saw this specialist, and March 29th marks the first surgery that lead me into this spiral of life.

Well all I can say is that my hope is still that my 31st year on this earth will still be a good one to me.