I once again m back in DC/Maryland for doctor visits. The good news is that this nuisance in my arm can finally come out, the downside I will still be taking two oral antibiotics twice daily for another two weeks.
Next we do get to do something different, I head to the physiatrist to find out how/what needs to be done for my physical therapy and there we are still a LONG way from being over.
My body hurts, the antibiotics are not helping that. My pain has only gotten worse not better. I am exhausted all the time and I never really sleep week 3 I think there.
Nothing is easy, everything that should be a ut and dry situation turns into a fiasco.
I need to focus on me, I need to get better. I do not care at this point what other people think or want because my number 1 priority is ME! Yes I said it and I sure as hell mean it.
I have been fighting this for so long every day I just want to throw in the towel, yet everyday I have a small hope that the next will be better.
Yes, you are right, this should not be the thoughts of a 31 year old educated female.... Well they are.
Depression is miserable, depression because of severe chronic pain is even more miserable. When you are the person that the drug commercial talks about...you have a severe problem.
I want to be myself again, but I fear that will never happen. Why you my ask? Well the Tammy that has gone through all of this has learned some new things and I also know that things many people take for granted like having a baby is not something I will experience. Yes my outlook as a 31 year old has changed for sure.
My medical knowledge has increased as well, because it had too. I need to know what they are telling me.
What I know:
1. I am a very broken person
2. "Friends" disappear very quickly when things get tough. The ones that don't... DO NOT ever let them go.
3. Life changes way too fast
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