Two weeks of craziness

On July 30th I headed to Ft. Lauderdale for our annual convention. You know what seems impossible? Running a 5 day event when you can hardly make it through 5 days of work.

So my plan was extra help to do my legwork, medicine, tens unit and the hot tub for heat. I used most of these modalities daily and told a few people they had to remind me to do my exercises daily, or I was to be yelled at.

Now what might have been harder when I was struggling after the long hours was explaining to the coaches who asked what was wrong with me. It always seems to be a fairly awkward conversation to have.

Either way it was a long week, with very little sleep but I made it through the week, with a lot of help. I admit that I completely crashed for the next few days, in fact it is Thursday and we ended Sunday and I still dont't feel like I am where I should be.

In fact all I want to do is sleep. I have had my moments of swinging emotions over the past few weeks, they vary quite easily it seems.

Now if only the pain would subside a little so I can attempt to get things done in my own life.

I did go see my family in Orlando for a day but I admit I was miserable and didn't want to do anything, so I am sure they were thrilled but also realized that this is serious and sait isn't changing that quickly.

Oh yeah did I mention that I haven't been to the doctors in two full weeks, which is strange since that is all I have done since the last week of March.

Personal Days are MUCH needed!

So this week has been a roller coaster of sorts, between work and the doctors I have been a mess. I got somewhere around 18 injections on Wednesday when I went to the doctors, yes they hurt like hell, but I got through them. I didn't sleep well that night and Thursday I just woke up feeling miserable. My first thought I should call off of work, it is going to be that day. Well my intuition was right... I felt miserable all day and felt like the world was caving in on me.

Now you have to realize that is what depression truly feels like... the world as you know is caving in on you. All I wanted to do was cry. I felt a little better after physical therapy and making a yummy pizza for dinner but I really had to calm myself down. I must say I have never cried this much before in my life, for such an extended period of time. It is month 10 of this journey, and it wasn't until around month 8 I was actually diagnosed with severe depression. Gee go figure... I was depressed I told my doctor I was, but I guess I didn't realize how bad it had really gotten.

It didn't really hit me until I read the review of my appointment that my doctor had sent back to me, I think it was around six pages. Then right there in plain sight it said the patient is clinically depressed... awesome I am 30 years old and that is the first time I have ever actually gotten a diagnosis for depression, let alone put on medication. Obviously this explains the huge change in my behavior this past year and the many changes my social life has taken because of it.

Severe chronic pain does bad things to a person... which is not something I would wish on my worst enemy (obviously I would chose quick and painful for them).

Anyhow it is finally Friday and I am looking forward to trying to get some retail therapy in this weekend along with getting some of my personal life together, like cleaning my room and doing my laundry.

Also my personal days off cannot come fast enough... I need a mental break from everything!