So this week has been a roller coaster of sorts, between work and the doctors I have been a mess. I got somewhere around 18 injections on Wednesday when I went to the doctors, yes they hurt like hell, but I got through them. I didn't sleep well that night and Thursday I just woke up feeling miserable. My first thought I should call off of work, it is going to be that day. Well my intuition was right... I felt miserable all day and felt like the world was caving in on me.
Now you have to realize that is what depression truly feels like... the world as you know is caving in on you. All I wanted to do was cry. I felt a little better after physical therapy and making a yummy pizza for dinner but I really had to calm myself down. I must say I have never cried this much before in my life, for such an extended period of time. It is month 10 of this journey, and it wasn't until around month 8 I was actually diagnosed with severe depression. Gee go figure... I was depressed I told my doctor I was, but I guess I didn't realize how bad it had really gotten.
It didn't really hit me until I read the review of my appointment that my doctor had sent back to me, I think it was around six pages. Then right there in plain sight it said the patient is clinically depressed... awesome I am 30 years old and that is the first time I have ever actually gotten a diagnosis for depression, let alone put on medication. Obviously this explains the huge change in my behavior this past year and the many changes my social life has taken because of it.
Severe chronic pain does bad things to a person... which is not something I would wish on my worst enemy (obviously I would chose quick and painful for them).
Anyhow it is finally Friday and I am looking forward to trying to get some retail therapy in this weekend along with getting some of my personal life together, like cleaning my room and doing my laundry.
Also my personal days off cannot come fast enough... I need a mental break from everything!
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