Every celebration seems to end with pain

This past weekend I celebrated my 31st birthday. It was great to have some of my family in to visit for the weekend and do some running around, which we did on Saturday.  I also made reservations and we went out to dinner and had a few friends meet up with all of us. Then we went out to my favorite bar in town and celebrated for the rest of the evening.

On Sunday we got up and I knew it was going to be one of those bad days. Why you may ask? Well I was at a moderate pain level the day before and I was tired from all of the running around we did, so I knew eventually I would not be so lucky and things would catch up to me as they usually do.

So yesterday it hit and wouldn't you know it but I spent the majority of my actual birthday alone, laying on the couch with a heating pad praying that my pain would go away. Today has started out just as rough and I can only hope that tomorrow will be better. I am down to just about a month away from surgery and as scared as I am about the whole thing, I know that my body needs it, because my body needs to get better and is in a very bad state right now.

I keep telling my self that 2013 will be my year and I still have 9 months to see that really pull through for me.

Someday I will feel like I can live like a normal person and be the woman that I know that I can be, I just hope that time gets here soon.

I will say I was extremely surprised at the kindness of friends here and far away on birthday, just knowing that I have so many people that were thinking of me is a great thought to have. Even though ninety percent of them have no idea what is going on with me personally. This internal struggle to try and be the person I was just a few years ago has been very hard.

There is so much talk about mental illness these days, especially with the shootings that have happened. I don't think anyone realizes how bad of a hold depression can take on someone unless they have personally lived through it or gone through it with a close friend or loved one. It really does make you feel like a person that you are not. It is like being in this dark hole all alone and at the very bottom and not knowing how to get out. Sometimes you can function enough to do daily tasks and other times you just can't.

I know that happens to me a lot, I will get through everything I need to do during the week, but the minute I am done I am home and in my room. Then on the weekends I just don't want to get out of bed.

Did I ever think this is what my life wold be like at the age of 31? No not at all... but I do know that I am working through it the best that I can.

Make your time count

It is officially one week until Christmas. I tell you what, Christmas has completely overwhelmed me this year in every way possible.  I did manage to spend most of yesterday wrapping gifts, making chocolate covered pretzels and fudge. I still have some cookies to frost and another batch to bake to take back to my brothers when I leave on Friday. I do feel better about getting a lot done yesterday and taking all day to do it.

Not to mention Friday night was our annual Christmas Party which had at least 30 people if not more in attendance, we had a great time and I was so glad to see so many of my friends in attendance, which made for a very late night.

I got my packages shipped to my family in Florida and my family gift exchange gift to the person I will not see, so that is one check off of the list.

Today... one thing I know for sure is my bladder hates me and I am glad that I am going in for a treatment tomorrow. It is one thing to know you have to go pee, it is another to be in excruciating pain because you have pee. THIS IS NOT OK EVER! To those of you out there with IC that read this, I know you can relate, it is a miserable feeling even when you are doing everything you can to try and keep your body calm.

One thing I do know is I am grateful for the little things this year and on Saturday, I was able to meet a very good friend for dinner in Bethlehem, PA, which was mid way for both of us. On the way home I had a few Facebook notifications, I did of course wait until I got home to check them (yes I was being a safe driver).

Much to my surprise I had written on a local jewelers Facebook page that they were doing a contest with. Here was the question:
          Best "fill in the blank" answer WINS a little something for under YOUR tree!!!
          "All I want from Ream Jewelers this year is ______________"

So I figured what the heck, why not say what I would really like and what it would mean. I am all about jewelry having meaning to me. My claddagh ring was a present from my parents on my 18th birthday, on my 21st birthday I received my birthstone set in white gold. On my right hand I wear the first diamonds I have ever owned that I saved up and bought for myself.  So for the question above I thought back with reflection on this year:

"A Michael Kors watch to remind me that every minute of every day is important and to know that each minute we get is a             blessing. In good times and in bad times we need to keep ticking.... something I tell myself daily as I try and get through the pain, surgeries and doctors appointments."

This year has been a struggle, even worse than 2011 and I really do just have to take it one day and sometimes one minute at a time. This year brought me two surgeries, depression, severe chronic pain,  countless doctors appointments and procedures, lots of medication, travel to see all of these specialist, physical therapy, and some other issues I am sure I am forgetting. I have had to learn to live my life much differently which has been extremely hard and coming to terms with all of this has been even harder. Although I have physically done this alone, I have so many wonderful friends to be thankful for and I don't know what I would do without them.

So my new jewelry goal is a beautiful Michael Kors watch which I have on layaway and will slowly pay off, since my bills and medications have to take precedence. The $50 gift card that Ream Jewelers is giving me from this contest is going directly to this watch and it means so much sometimes to know that there are kind and giving people out there who will do something as simple as this when it will in turn mean so much to me in the future.

This year I have made it my goal to shop locally and buy local as much as I can. I have made some fairly big and necessary purchases all from local family owned businesses. This just encourages me to keep doing so and has earned another loyal customer, plus what young lady doesn't love jewelry? I can't wait to stop in tomorrow and apply my gift to my purchase, so in the spirit of the season Merry Christmas! I hope that everyone out there gets some type of special Christmas wish that comes true.