FRUSTRATED!!!

Well it has been over a month since I last saw my surgeon and we are still trying to get my insurance to cover a CT Scan, that so far they have denied over 3 times. I am really losing my patience, because I don't feel better, I do in some ways and do not at all in others.

I still can't function without pain pills, I still take them daily. I have little to no energy at all, even if I sleep for 10 hours. The pain in my groin still hurts and throbs daily, because of Sandy, my usual doctors appointments are thrown all out of whack and I will not get in to see them until December 4th.

I feel like a total and complete mess.

My younger brother bruised his spleen and was in the hospital this weekend in severe pain and he goes "Tammy I think I got a glimpse of how you feel every day this is the worst pain I have ever had, I don't know how you do it."

That made me feel a little better that he had some way of feeling the pain, not that I want him to be in pain, but either way it is so hard to describe to someone unless they have experienced extreme pain.

So the holidays are officially here, I made it through Thanksgiving I spent it here with friends, I decided not to travel. I will be traveling for Christmas so that is a whole new ball game and something I haven't done since the surgery.

I need strength and someday's I just don't know where I am going to get it from.

I will say I did have a great time going to the movies and doing some shopping with friends over the Holiday. One thing I have to be Thankful for is friends to lift me up when I am not doing so well and my health although it is not great, it is a little better than a year ago, so all I can do is continue to try and get better.

Getting ready for an event

So I am officially in event week and well I think it is already taking a toll on my body.  Hurricane Sandy came through yesterday, luckily my house didn't get hit and we just had some rain and high winds. It did give me time to stay home from work as the office was closed and I worked from home all day.

Now the bigger question is really how does my body hold up being only 6 weeks post-op from my surgery? I have been doing my therapy and I went and saw my doctor last week. He has ordered some new test, I have to go in and get a CAT scan and some of my medications were changed. There is a possibility of a hernia on my left side and the doctor wants to rule out any other issues that I may have at this point during my healing process.

So this week is all about doing what I need to do to get through the week and the event on Saturday. I really just want to not get out of bed at all. I am not sure if my depression gets worse or my anxiety at this point, I am sure it is probably a combination of both at this point.

I eat because it makes me feel better.... even though I really need to stop eating.

One of the best things that I have done in the past few weeks was I bought a new bed and it has definitely helped my sleeping. It was time, my old bed had seen better days.

So now trying to figure out how to get through the week... I will do this I just have to be careful.

It has been one week

I haven't blogged much in the past week, so I wanted to try and get caught up on my thoughts and what things have been like.

Last Monday I left and went down to Silver Spring, Maryland, where my surgery was going to take place. I got down there in the afternoon and just had time to relax and hang out with my friend.

Tuesday morning was a super early morning. Surgery was scheduled at 7 am which meant I had to be at the surgery center at 6 am. I got up at 5 a.m. and showered with Hibiclens before heading in for surgery. Then I got there and filled out the usual paperwork along with the other preparation work that they do for you when you are about to get cut open.

After going through things with the nurses, the doctor arrived and went over to what they were going to be doing to me. So I had three nerves cut in my pelvis and groin. I will look up the technical terms to all of this later. The surgery lasted a little over two hours.

I woke up from surgery in complete and total pain. Nothing seemed to be taking me down to a manageable level. I was in recovery longer than I was in surgery and I felt absolutely miserable. I was also dreading the getting up to go to the bathroom, because of how bad I hurt. So that was excruciating even with the nurses helping me move.

We did get things calmed down and I was able to leave, I had asked the doctor for crutches which he agreed to, because putting weight on my left leg was just so painful I couldn't do it. The doctor agreed to the crutches to help me get around for the reasons that they would stabilize me and also slow me down.

So going back to my friends Brooke and Mike they took great care of me all week, even though I could hardly get around. I felt pretty helpless. I was taking a lot of pain medication those first few days trying to keep my pain at bay.

On Friday I was able to get a ride home which was a little rough, but I was so glad to be home.

All weekend I spent laying around and sleeping as much as possible. I did have a friend help take me grocery shopping, I am trying to remember that I have to ask for help... and I must use help.

So for now I am icing my abdomen and taking the medications as prescribed by the doctor  and taking it as slow as possible so that I can try and heal.

What I can say is this surgery was painful and my biggest hope is that after the surgery wounds heal, that I will feel like a completely different person.

Epic Fail so far this moring

We all know Monday's can be a bit of a drag, well especially after that loss the Steelers had last night, no I am not yet over it. That is ok we will get them back.

Anyhow so off to work today, this is my last week before I head in for surgery so a lot needs to get accomplished. 

As I sit here in pain I realize that I forgot to pack my pain pills, so there is my epic fail of the day so far. I can't believe I did that. So ibuprofen it is for me for the day I guess, which won't touch me at all.

Now someday's I really wish what makes me feel worse, because I haven't really been able to figure that out just yet but I really hope that this surgery helps me with the pain levels. 

I sent an email into my local news station this weekend, hoping to get them to run on health segment on IC, I will follow up with them here this week, awareness is key! 

That is all for now... back to work as I have a lot to get done.

Also my reports are back and it looks like all of my test done last week to be cleared for surgery are good to go.